peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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