I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
