woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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