Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize