He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
