There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
