I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
