Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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