I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
