im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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