Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish you could order shots online.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
