Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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