PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
