Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
