9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
