And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
