I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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