Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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