Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
