laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
