I am in a vortex of obligation.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and she was petting her beer can
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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