My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
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im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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