I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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