She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
