i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
tell me about the eggs
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
