well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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