So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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