He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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