I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
