i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
