Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
