You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
