I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
