I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love black thongs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
