my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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