Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
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You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?