he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up