shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.