bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"