just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...