An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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