I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
