i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
