She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
