i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
