Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
