all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
