Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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