MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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