I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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