He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
