It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
