Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
