I'm drive I can fine osifer
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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