he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
birth control should be required to get into college
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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