the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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