I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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