i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
