Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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