Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
