i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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