for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
