remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
