i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
