Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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