His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
