chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We have so much sex to catch up on
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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