Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
