drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
