I could make wine with my vomit
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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