Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
