The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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