you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
