so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
