I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am puke
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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