hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
